this feat can be achieved quite easily, with the right tools and enough practice. with this technique which i call jingling, you usually will not have to resort to violence to get an old lady's spaghetti, but as we all know, in this modern competetive world, violence is often a necessity. in this step by step guide, i will hopefully elimate the need for violence in getting an old lady's spaghetti, but i will include violent tactics, if nonviolence spaghetti getting does not work on your old lady.

1. Identify your old lady

many people who are unable to get the spaghetti they want from an old lady are targeting too young of an old lady. make sure your old lady is at least 80 years old, one younger may have the attention span to not relinquish their spaghetti as you jingle. granted, there are many old ladys under 80 to which jingling may work, and at the same token, many old ladys over 80 may not be susceptable to this.

one clue as to whether or not this will work on them is to what they say to you. if they tell you long, fairly coherent and consistent stories, they will almost certainly not be susceptable to jingling. try the nonviolent method first, regardless of whether or not you think it will work. the problem most people have that i talk to is that even after nonviolent measures, they don't resort to the evil yet necessary violence.

2. The Approach

as you happen upon an old lady with spaghetti, unless you are bypassing the nonviolent technique and going straight to violence, you want to approach her in a gentle, kind manner, so you come off as trusting as possible. you want to instill memories of their children or her husband when they first fell in love, or if at all possible make them think that you are actually those people. it also helps to be dressed nicely, in a sweater or something else considered respectable by old ladys. the more the old lady trusts you, the more effective your jingle will be.

3. The Jingle

after you have established your presence, you're ready for the jingle. for this, you need something that jingles! this is a good reason to always have your car keys with you . . . although for a good jingle, you should have a key chain that has at least 5 keys on it, with a lot of metally rings. if you do not have a key chain, you can improvise; jingle bells come to mind. whatever you use to jingle must be visually exciting. you want the old lady's full attention. see fig 1 below

palm the keys (or whatever you're using, i'll use keys throughout this for simplicity) in your right hand, and lift them to about eye level with the old lady, but a foot or two to the right of the spaghetti. let out a gasp of excitement, put a big smile on your face, look at the keys and start jingling them. as you're doing that, cry out things like "Look at this, look at this! Look over here! It's amazing! Look at this! Look at this!! It's important, it's incredible! Look at this!!!".

Do this until their focus is completely on the keys. after you know their focus is completely on the keys, keep jingling for at least 45 seconds. this is to scramble their brain and confuse them enough that any thoughts or memories of their spaghetti leave their minds. if you slip in words that may be associated with their ancient memories, like "roosevelt" or "communism", so that they're thoughts stray even further then they would with just the keys. see fig 2 below

4. The Snag

after at least 45 seconds of jingling, with your left hand, bring it out towards the spaghetti plate, and snag it. after you have the spaghetti, keep on jingling the keys for another 30 seconds, then put them in your pocket and casually walk away. that's it! if everything worked out, you should now have an old lady's nice plate of spaghetti. see fig 3 below

5. Violent Resorts

if, for some reason or another this did not work, and you need to resort to violence, one way you could take the spaghetti is knocking the old lady over, grabbing her spaghetti and running.

congratulations! you now have the know how to take an old lady's spaghetti!

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